I Really Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Participate in Halloween (So I’m Not)

The last time I dressed up for Halloween, it was 2010 and I had just moved to New York City to pursue my master’s at NYU. I was skinny, naïve, unprepared for city life, and in a ridiculously unhealthy Taylor Swift-esque non-relationship with an older businessman who ended up more or less destroying my faith in mankind for about a year and two-ish months. (Not that I counted.) Ah, youth.

So why am I oversharing with all of this life context?

Because frankly, a general state of personal distress is the only way I can begin to justify the fact that I was a makeshift leprechaun that year.

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Yes, that is a beard. And yes, that is a black athletic tank that I sliced in half, poked holes in, and tied together with a shoelace. Because poor, because grad school. (It was supposed to be a lepre-vest.)

I mean, can we just talk about the fact that I’m 6’3”?

What was I trying to do here? Singlehandedly smash the leprechaun height stereotype? Break the leprechaun glass ceiling? Just confuse people? Or was I supposed to be like, a totem pole of three leprechauns all concealed in one outfit to present the illusion of being human-size? I don’t even know. (But I’m going to go with that last one, because I’ve just decided that it’s borderline genius.)

Other misguided costume choices of mine over the years include Bo Duke, a pregnant nun, Superman and – most often as of lately – That Guy Who Refuses to Dress Up for Halloween but will Happily Spend the Night Watching Scary Movies and Eating Candy in His Pajamas.

And so that will be me again in 2013. I’m thinking it’s for the best, lest I have another stroke of genius and decide to be Verne Troyer or something. (And by “or something,” I obviously mean a totem pole of three Verne Troyers.)

Happy Halloween, y’all!

P.S. Here’s a note regarding the pregnant nun ensemble, because I know you were wondering: It was during one of those summer camp “Halloween in July” things, I was ten years old, and all I had at my disposal was a pillow and accompanying pillowcase. So I improvised. (The fact that Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit was my favorite movie at the time probably also factored in somewhere there.)

P.P.S. While I had put very little thought into the pregnant nun costume at the time, it just occurred to me as I was writing this that I was actually kind of making a poignant socio-religious statement with the whole thing. So maybe I should be allowed to participate in Halloween (thereby changing the world one costume at a time) after all!

P.P.P.S. Or, actually, no. Because candy and pajamas.

 

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