New Name, No Shame

I’ve been meaning to keychange the name of this site for a while, but I could never really think of anything I loved enough to commit to that also wasn’t egregiously corny. And so here’s a conversation between my writing buddy Steven and I that took place during a recent brainstorming session:

  • Nic: What’s a good blog name for me?
  • Nic: The Ridic-Nic Report?
  • Nic: Get it? Ridiculous?
  • Steven: I just spit out my seltzer.
  • Nic: RiNicolas? OMG LIKE RIHANNA.
  • Steven: No. To all of the above.
  • Nic: Nic-On-A-Stick?
  • Steven: You’re fired from naming things.

We kept discussing for a while until I almost decided to call this site “The Cheesecake” because I love cheesecake and it would also make way for a cheesy (see what I did there?) slogan like, “High in calories, higher in humor,” but I ultimately decided that I probably shouldn’t name my life’s work after a baked good. (Wait. Is baking even a part of the cheesecake creation process? Or are cheesecakes just like, born cold? I’m too lazy to tab over and Google. Actually, no I’m not. I just checked, and it appears that they are baked in ovens like other cakes. FYI.)

My inability to come up with a catchy/quirky name eventually led me to throw my hands in the air, say “fuck it,” and just go with the incredibly straightforward “The Nicolas Blog,” EXCEPT with the exclamation point that you see above — because frankly, that one punctuation mark says more about me than any proper word ever could. So I’m thinking I made a solid choice.

 

The Dildos Are (Not) Coming!

So this one time at a holiday party in New York City, I had a melodramatic breakdown in front the entire room. We were playing this weird anonymous gift-exchanging game, and when it was my turn, I somehow ended up publicly unwrapping a package that featured a thong-wearing topless woman with a Kardashian-esque ass on the box. Realizing that it was clearly a sex toy, I turned bright red and panicked and threw the gift on the table in a really theatrical, over-the-top fashion – all while screaming, “I CAN’T DO THIS. I’M FROM CONNECTICUT!”

So a few days ago when marketing people for sex toy-selling juggernaut Adam & Eve asked me if they could sponsor a guest post on my blog, I thought one thing: What a great opportunity to “pull a Miley Cyrus” and shed my virginal good-girl image!

And then I thought about how it would be great to have some new energy up in here, especially since I’ve been regrettably absent due to the BOOK THAT IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE.

But then I thought about that episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte discovered vibrators and became addicted to the Rabbit – to the point where an intervention was required – and I asked myself, “Do I really want to contribute to someone else’s potential Rabbit addiction?”

I also asked myself,  “Wouldn’t letting a sex toy company write a ‘guest post’ for me essentially be like selling out? Selling out for a dildo?”

And that’s when I realized that as much as I believe in the healing power of dildos, I’m not quite sure Keychanges is the place for them to be unironically pimped out. And if it is the place for them to be unironically pimped out, they’d have to be pimped out in a straightforward, ad-on-the-side-of-the-page kind of way. Not a let-me-deceive-Google’s-search-mechanisms-by-letting-a-company-steal-my-voice-for-a-post kind of way. I’m basically the Little Mermaid in this scenario.

Not that I mean to call Adam & Eve Ursula, but I mean, if the shoe fits.

Ultimately, I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is that (a) I have integrity, (b) I may or may not be a mermaid (or a “mergayd,” if you will), and (c) I just saved y’all from a potential dildo invasion.

Aren’t you loving me so much right now?

(Note: If you’re actually really into dildo invasions, then please don’t answer that question. And I apologize for ruining your day.)

 

I’m Alive

My amazing readers — Is there anyone alive out there?! Titanic style.  I miss blogging so much.

Reasons why I’ve been M.I.A.:

  • The homeless thing
  • Classes started
  • New internship starting
  • General life chaos
  • I’m fat

Okay, so clearly I have some issues goin’ on.  But I promise that I will be back and better than ever with a regular posting schedule and all kinds of awesomeness very soon — I just have to get my life together first.  Also, I miss reading all of YOUR amazing blogs, so I’ll be doing that again, too.

Anywho, that’s all this is.  A post promising a real post in the near future.

STAY TUNED!

Speaking of Key Changes… I Changed My URL

Hey y’all.  This isn’t a real post — just an announcement regarding my new URL.  In an effort to keep things consistent, I changed my blog URL to https://thenicolasblog.wordpress.com.  Fifty-one percent of me stands by this decision.  The other forty-nine is having trouble adjusting.

Imagine my horror when I discovered that all comments I’ve previously posted still link to my old URL, which I totally destroyed with one impulsive click!  I had no idea what I was doing.  I’m slowly coping with the loss by telling myself that this will be better in the long run — this way, people can remember my blog by its name rather than by the fact that I’m from Connecticut and my name is Nick.

Did I make the right decision?

…Normal people don’t obsess over these things as much as I do, do they?

Either way, please keep reading and tell all your friends!

Smooches.

P.S. — if you’re looking for my most recent post (about my Oprah-esque fascination with personal memoirs) it can be found here.

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