Being Gay is Simple

Being gay doesn’t happen online. It doesn’t happen on “Gay Twitter” or on a Hookup App or on HuffPost’s Gay Voices or in a misguided Advocate article titled “6 Gay Cliches That Are Totally True.” It doesn’t happen in NYC, at fancy dinner parties, or during brunch. Mimosas have nothing to do with anything.

Being gay happens when you’re on the couch with your boyfriend and he puts his arm around you and it smells distinctly like him and that makes you feel safe so you lean over and kiss his neck. It happens forty minutes later when his arm falls asleep and you trade positions.

It happens when you don’t have a boyfriend, too—when you’re home alone drinking a glass of water and thinking about how cute that guy at Target was. Being gay is drinking water and finding guys cute. It’s also breathing air.

Maybe you’re young and still figuring it out or maybe you’re old and you thought you had it figured out, but for some reason you’re lonely or angry or just disheartened that we live in a world where the Advocate publishes articles with titles like “6 Gay Cliches That Are Totally True.”

You don’t have any gay friends and you wonder if you’re doing it right. You’re sick of defining yourself, sick of being defined, and mostly just sick of having to think about this shit.

Or maybe you don’t care that much. I don’t know. You can like Madonna and football or video games and cupcakes. Maybe you like nothing. Do you love to sing? Maybe you’re crazy and overweight or maybe you’re boring and have a six-pack.

If I know you’re gay, all I really know is that you drink water and you find guys cute.

You also breathe air.


But all gay men do take selfies with giant rainbow teddy bears… right?



  1. Wrong! I drink coffee :O
    Nice article 😉

  2. Great article Nic! My cousin, freshman in college, just officially came out. All of the sudden he had a board on Pinterest called “My Boyfriend” and I picked up the phone and sent him a text “Is that a hint or did I miss a closet door somewhere?” He laughed and said it was very recent.
    A week later he died his brown hair platinum.
    I expect the rainbow teddy bear selfie any day now.

  3. The Advocate should print articles like this one. Drink water. Breathe air. Be Gay. Or not. Just people. Not as funny and cute as you are but still just people be people.

  4. So so so true! 😛

  5. Saw this on Reddit 🙂 I read that Advocate article and thought “meh.” It’s funny what gay media writes to try and get clicks! I think most people (gay or straight) spend too much time thinking about identity and not enough time just … being.

    Anyways – great post! I’m going to have a cup of water now and think about the guys at Target, ha 😉

    • Adam – thanks so much for your comment!

      “I think most people (gay or straight) spend too much time thinking about identity and not enough time just … being.”

      YES, THIS. 🙂

  6. Thanks, that was inspiring and calming to read.

  7. Are you sure about that air thing? Great point.

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