Kind of a Blog Post About Dating, Mostly a Video of Me Singing a Dixie Chicks Song

Recently some readers have been inquiring about my dating life, which, contrary to the fact that I haven’t really blogged about it in nearly nine months, has not disintegrated entirely into a never-ending loop of me eating bagels and watching the OWN Network with the affirmation “I give up on men but it’s fine because Oprah completes me” pinned front and center to the cork board of my sad, sad manless mind.

No, it’s been quite the opposite. Really I just cooled it on the confessional dating posts because I got sick of being held accountable to the identity of Thirsty Writer Who Can’t Find Love. The line between my art and my life had gotten a little too blurry. (Also, furry.) (And a lot like jury.) (Duty.)

(…What the fuck just happened?)

I think during the golden era of Jilted-Insecure-What-Is-Love-BABY-DON’T-HURT-ME blog posts, what I was really looking for was some kind of external validation and/or magical cowboy to sweep me off my feet and make all my problems go away. (Because #ThatzHealthy.) The reality of actually settling down and committing my time and energy to the happiness of another human being and having to deal with things like “sacrifice” and “compromise”? LOL. No. The first option required much less effort and made for better writing material.

I came to this epiphany earlier this year after I finally stopped looking for that cowboy and then a bunch of dudes fell for me at the same time and it made me feel like almost as much of a douche bag as I do for typing this sentence right now. You know those surreal phases where you become a man-magnet and the more men want you, the more other men want you? And your life becomes a real-world version of The Weather Girls’ timeless classic “It’s Raining Men,” until finally you’re like, “Wait, I think I wanna just go inside now. Or at least whip out an umbrella,” because you’ve lost the ability to give a shit? It was one of those.

Mancloud

Which is why now I’m not really wasting anyone’s time by trying.

Instead I’ve just been living and focusing on things that I love already – my family, my friends, my writing. My newfound interest in singing random country songs while shittily playing guitar. Of course I’ve loved being in relationships in the past, and if another one happens to come my way soon and it feels organic and right and not at all like suffocating, then awesome.

But as for the idea of longing for a magical cowboy to sweep me off my feet and make all my problems go away? I’m over that shit. It makes for better art than it does an actual way of life.

 

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Comments

  1. Stephanie says:

    Not to mention that a relationship where one person is doing all the problem-solving and the other is full-time needy isn’t healthy. Real relationships are fucking hard! But worth it. Before I met my husband I wanted to be in a relationship so badly that I probably gave off icky desperate vibes. Then I talked to my therapist and decided to work on loving me. Suddenly I was a hot(ter) commodity with an actual active dating life. And I didn’t care all that much because I was happy with me. Then I met my husband. That was 12 years ago. So, you know, love yourself so you can be a good love-r for someone else down the line, when it’s right.

    • Thanks for sharing your story – love it! It’s so true, the whole love-yourself-first gospel is so popular because it really is the ONLY way to have a healthy situation – in relationships and myriad other areas of life. It took me a while to get to a good place with that, ironically I think on account of the fact that I clung to a low self-esteem-y identity for so long because it was easy and comfortable and Carrie Bradshaw told me it was normal. Thank God THAT period is over! Ha!

  2. Stephanie says:

    I hear ya! I have had a lifelong struggle with self-esteem, so I’m sure that played a big role in it too. Once I started actually trying to like myself (ongoing) I gave off confidence vibes. And, yes, Carrie has a lot to answer for!

  3. Hold up, hold up: Is not the entire raison-d’etre for posting videos of oneself singing on YouTube to get a mate? Or recording contract, whichever comes first?

  4. Is the divide between commitment/caring and “I wannabe me” really a divide?

  5. Well, now I know you can sing I kinda want to be a gay man. 🙂 But, I’m an happy for the update, I’ve been silently wondering!

  6. I have been listening to Dixie Chicks ALL WEEK! And this is great. Go you, dude.

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