I’ve Found Love in a Hopeless Place

It’s official. The perfect relationship exists, and I’m in it.

Are you jealous?

Don’t be, because my significant other is a commercial chain of burrito restaurants. That’s right.

You may have heard of my boyfriend — his name is Chipotle?

I know that in my epic last post, the happy burrito bowl ending was really just a way of saying that eating your feelings can be all it takes to recover from a self-esteem-demolishing, non-air conditioned train ride home next to a hot guy who has rejected you via the Interweb (because who doesn’t that happen to?) — but it has now grown into a full-blown relationship that is two-sided and very real.

How did this happen? Well, Chipotle read the post and has clearly decided that I’m husband material.

                                         Basically a marriage proposal.

Take that, Hot Guy Who Rejected Me.

I don’t know who Joe is, but it’s very likely that I’d be willing to bear his children if the opportunity presented itself.

                                               Definitely a marriage proposal.

Many happy returns. If a guy I slept with ever said that to me after sex, I’d legitimately think it was romantic.

And this might be why I need therapy.

(But I’ll probably just keep eating burrito bowls instead.)

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Comments

  1. SandySays1 says:

    Know about that hopeless love thing. I found mine in a Rest Stop on an Interstate. So it goes.

  2. The silly sense of happiness I get when my iPhone notifies me of a new email and the subject says “New post KEYCHANGES” is embarrassing to admit, but nonetheless true. Which also explains why I’m always among the first ones to read and comment. (It can also back up my confession of having no life, but nevermind…)

    Strangely enough, ever since I read your previous post on Chipotle (a food place I’ve frankly never even heard of before), my FB has kept suggesting I’d “like” their fan page. Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a relationship which will last since Chipotle is supported by FB and their stalker methods.

    I’ll just say; congratulations! I’m expecting an invitation to your wedding. Surely, so does Mark Zuckerberg, too.

    😀

    • Haha, I think if you ever stopped commenting, I’d take it worse than a break-up and probably cry for three days straight while inhaling ice cream and Chocolate Chex (my latest addiction).

      As far as Facebook, that is some creepy shit. BUT if you ever come into contact with a Chipotle, you must go. ‘Twill change your life forever!!!

  3. I’m not a fan of the bowls, but I’ll eat the SHIT out of the tacos. Ugh, I’m starving right now. I’ll take a barbacoa taco, with pico de gallo, guac, sour cream, cheese and corn salsa. Times 3. Also, this is why I’m a fatass. 😀

    • Ooooh I just discovered barbacoa last week – it is heaven. And you are so not a fatass – because I’d be all “times 6”!

  4. Jesus, Nat read my mind. I would make sweet disgusting love to a Barbacoa taco right now. Congrats on your proposal!

    • Haha thanks darlin’! We’re registered at SYSCO wholesale food suppliers.

    • I still haven’t had one since I wrote this post. I want it really fucking badly. Part of my job every day is to bring in a catered lunch for my staff. I may have to do Chipotle! Also, everyone I know prefers this local place called Freebirds. It’s the same shit, but not as good– yet everyone swears it’s better. *sniff* IT’S NOT, I TELL YOU

  5. You are giving me laugh lines…you owe me some Botox.
    That is all…

  6. If Chipotle read your blog, why didn’t they APOLOGIZE FOR THE NO FORK INCIDENT in the first place?! Perhaps if you’d gotten a fork, your food wouldn’t have gotten smelly on the train and the hot guy would have come and talked to you! Or maybe he would have seen you eating it, come over and said, “Hey, I love Chipotle burrito bowls, too. Lets get married?” PUT THE GOD DAMN PLASTIC FORK IN THE BAG, CHIPOTLE.

    (that’s a really big pet peeve of mine. When I order food, I want it now.)

    Thanks for watching my web series! Glad you’re up and blogging again. I missed your adventures! I was starting to feel like I was the only that the universe picked on.

    • HAHA. You just made me realize that my Chipotle relationship is like my actual relationships of the past, where I’d just let one grand gesture and/or sweet remark totally erase monumental fuck-ups. Have I learned nothing?!!?

      And – omg – you and your friends are hilarious. I’m gonna go watch more now if there’s more!

  7. This comment is tactless and out of place:

    One of my sexcapades involved a gay man…
    …who works at Chipotle.

    Absolute magic.

Trackbacks

  1. […] a cold shower that actually burns fat as promised, and to reclaim my belief in grammar. And love. (I guess this one could have actually been a real tweet, as it would clearly fit within Twitter […]

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