26 Words to Live By for My 26th Birthday (AKA NicRiah Day)

Today is the anniversary of Mariah Carey’s and my respective births, and why this isn’t a federal holiday yet is beyond me.

But I mean, I’m sure it will be someday, because Catholic people are always in the midst of lent during this time and so they’re likely very irritable for having given something up that they love (unless they’re that guy who’s all “I give up Sprite!” when really his drink of choice is vodka and/or crack – can you drink crack? – but I digress) and so they kind of need a day off from work to help deal with all their Sprite vodka crack withdrawal fits, and so I’m sure a moment will eventually come when the Pope is all, “I have an idea! March 27th is the perfect day for a holiday and it shall be called NicRiah Day” (because why wouldn’t the Catholic church spontaneously create a new holiday in honor of a large-breasted pop diva who loves to be almost-naked on stage and a wacky tall dude from Connecticut who loves to be fully-naked…in beds with other dudes…?), and then before you know it the U.S. government will catch on to the trend and be like, “Well if all these damn Catholics are calling out of work for this new holiday anyways, then why the hell not just make it a thing?” (I think this is how Christmas happened.)

So basically when the future is here and it’s March 27, 2025 and your Jewish coworker is all, “Thanks for the freebie, Catholics!” I hope you’ll turn to the guy and say (in a stern voice), “Don’t thank the Catholics; thank Mariah Carey and Nicolas DiDomizio.”

You’re welcome.

NicRiahDay

That’s me perched upon Mariah Carey’s left ass-cheek. (Side note: That’s me perched upon Mariah Carey’s left ass-cheek — I think this is the sentence I was born to write.)

In totally unrelated and slightly more spiritual news, here’s an unabashedly redundant, cliché, and (seemingly) trite list of 26 words I plan to embody in my approach to life during my 26th year:

  1. Presence
  2. Awareness
  3. Gratitude
  4. Simplicity
  5. Peace
  6. Truth
  7. Stillness
  8. Serenity
  9. Laughter
  10. Ease
  11. Consciousness
  12. Meaning
  13. Energy
  14. Laughter again
  15. Healing
  16. Forgiveness
  17. Laughter again
  18. Absurdity
  19. Transparency
  20. Growth
  21. Trust
  22. Faith
  23. Love
  24. Sprite
  25. Vodka
  26. Crack

KIDDING ABOUT THE CRACK. I HAVE NEVER DONE CRACK.

(I don’t know why I felt the need to scream that. My apologies.)

…Okay, so this post is supposed to be over, but it felt weird to finish with a parenthetical just now. Especially a parenthetical that basically says, “I’m sorry for joking about crack and then screaming at you with caps lock afterward about how I was joking about crack.” That crack joke, really, was just a horrible idea. And now it seems to be holding me hostage. In my own blog. ON MY BIRTHDAY. WTF. Is this what they were warning me about in D.A.R.E. when I was too busy singing Mariah Carey songs in my head to pay attention? Ooh! Mariah. Full circle. Okay. Happy birthday to me. Byeee.

 

Comments

  1. The crack joke was perfect. Never change. Live strong. Or rather “livestrong” like a cheap plastic bracelet, my friend. Happy birthday. High five. No wait: Mariah five.

  2. James Richardson says:

    Happy happy birthday, kiddo.

  3. Happy Birthday! I hope that you have a wonderful birthday week and weekend and month! :)

  4. Well! This calls for a celebration…for both you AND Ms. Carey. I can’t afford her type of celebrations but I can send you this wonderful, heartfelt birthday video. I would be the girl in green if this were us. Just so you know.
    For you: http://www.makingfiends.com/fiend08.htm

    Also, because I don’t want to rain on your birthday parade, I will not remind you that “SERENITY” (#8 on your list of words to embody) covers the part where you accept your thoughts, beliefs, and crack jokes and don’t apologize for them in your own posts, especially when there’s no reason to apologize for jokes about crack. Please note my not-reminding you of that. Happy birthday.

    • OMG that video was perfect because I’m ALWAYS going “heehee” after nefarious classmates try to sabotage me and then I unwittingly outsmart them on every count purely based off my ditziness! LOVE IT.

      And you’re so right. I need more SERENITY NOW and less apologizing for crack jokes! And maybe more crack?

  5. Through my spiritual network, when I connect to Mariah Carey, I get the response that she secretly visits your blog (this blog) daily. You don’t need her in your life – she needs you in hers – I’m 106% sure about this.

    I searched your list of “”list of 26 words I plan to embody in my approach to life during my 26th year”” couldn’t find the word ‘realisation’. Slightly disappointed but then I remembered damn this guy is still young and will realise the realisation some time soon.

    • Haha, thank you so much, sir! I like to think she reads it during her morning coffee session myself. Also, I may have to save all of my realizing for 27 after all the Sprite/vodka/crack in 26!

  6. Happy belated birthday!! I hope your year is FULL of crack. And now I’m going to listen to Mariah alll day.

  7. Happy Birthday!!

  8. I just totally realized that I NEVER commented on your birthday blog! HAPPY TWO WEEKS LATE BIRTHDAY-BY-WAY-OF-BLOG! You’re ONE YEAR closer to your Butterfly year!

    ALSO…I TOTALLY support the use of blogging to get more birthday wishes, so, YAY!

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