I woke up this morning and realized that there exists a very unfortunate correlation between my eating habits and the marital statuses of my Facebook friends.
It kind of goes like this:
- Engaged friends: sugary cereal with whole milk.
- Married friends: burrito bowl from Chipotle.
- Friends who just got engaged this week: entire box of Oreos.
- Friends who just got married this week: multiple pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, various flavors.
- Friends who just got married this week and have already posted photos from the wedding: all of the above.
- Ex-boyfriends who are now in relationships: all of the above plus a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese, loaf of cinnamon swirl bread, entire tube of unbaked cookie dough, and the salt of my tears.
Thanks for the double chin, Zuckerberg.
Side note: I am still seeing [Awesome Guy Who Still Needs a Proper Fake Blog-Name] and he’s still awesome. But – contrary to what I’d secretly hoped – this post seems to suggest that his presence in my life hasn’t obviated my extreme need for therapy, so I guess I’ll have to get on that soon.